Write her a letter, send her a flower, love only gets old if you let it.
I broke a good man’s heart last night. It hurts to know that I haven’t gotten it right yet and that I leave hurting hearts in my path. . I spent time in prayer, searching my heart, and seeking wise counsel. A peace fell upon me as I made this decision. He is an amazing person which makes it a very hard decisions to have made and there is always that soft voice that leaves you wondering if you made the right decision… but looking at our lives, our personalities, our interests, neither one of us was passionate or excited about each other’s passions. The interest to be involved in each other’s lives lacked… and as he said he could try harder, I could only think of how unfair it is to make a person suffer to change themselves. I know this suffering as I spent most of my time suffering as I changed myself for others. Hindsight - they say is 20/20, but immediate hindsight I’d say is clouded by emotions and leads to improper judgment. My greatest delight is to heal the pain of others, but as I look back upon my life I see a wake of destruction. When I should have “ripped the bandaid off” and let them endure a quick sting - my heart said “NO DON’T HURT THEM, you can push through…” and thus I tried to do that… breaking their heart even more. There is no reason he should settle for anything less than amazing and that is what he would get if we continued to compromise who we internally are for one another.
I feel like God has grown me through him. The positive impact that he has had on my life, I will forever be indebted to him for. He has grown me. And although, I had to learn the very hard lesson of realizing what is right for me and what is not… I am grateful that God has allowed me to evaluate myself even further.
I’d never viewed myself as a narcissist, but I am learning to truly see myself for the mistakes I have made (for the ones I have the potential to make) and for the character flaws that need to be worked on, what my desires are despite others opinions. Instead of allowing everyone else to shoulder the blame or let their opinions shape mine… I am taking steps towards being true to myself.
As I stepped back and felt a peace wash over me, knowing the difficulty of transitioning into a new stage, I braced myself for the “what for’s” and “this is a stupid decision” and although, my friends were shocked - I am largely taken aback by how many people have told me how proud they are of me. I never would have thought.
You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.
- what i actually said: i forgot
- what my parents heard: i hate you and i am determined to fail at life, go to prison, and bring dishonor to this family. i care about nothing except my computer and tv shows and you can just go burn in hell for all i care. also i'm pregnant.
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